October 2, 2014  Last Update: August 26, 2014, 11:16 am

Canada Fears Zombies, Bans Bath Salts

Canada is afraid of zombies after Miami Florida’s allegedly bath salt induced violence “face eating zombie” attack. MDPV has been banned in Canada.

Bath Salts are the new “meth”. That’s the word on the street, and the street isn’t pretty.

After last weeks face eating zombie attack, Canada has announced a federal ban on MDPV, the main ingredient in many drugs sold as bath salts. The move is seen by some as a “tories reaction to the zombie attack” or a “conservative response to fears of zombies” in the blog press. The news was announced by Canada Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq at a news conference.

The synthetic cathinone 3,4-Methylenedioxypyrovalerone (or MDPV) is a psychoactive stimulant. In the US, three synthetic cathinones are currently illegal: MDPV and Mephedrone and Methylone. They were placed on the controlled substances list in response to initial reports of abuse of the drugs, which are widely sold in drug shops as “bath salts“, “plant food“, “bonzai food“, and other materials marked “not for human consumption” to avoid regulations and laws.

The banning of MDPV is seen as a token reaction partly because so many similar and similarly dangerous drugs are circulating on the streets. MDPV is just one, and a ban on MDPV won’t stop the others.

After the widespread media reports of the face-eating zombie attack in the US, the Canadian public is clearly afraid of zombies, and wants the government to assure them the homeless guys on their streets will not attack them and start eating their faces. Politicians, likewise, would prefer their citizens not arm themselves with shotguns, chainsaws, and explosive bullets, in preparation for a zombie apocolypse.

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Canada, fearing the arrival of face-eating Zombies, bans bath salts (MDPV)
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Here is an informative slide deck about MDPV and it’s “cousins”:

 

Resources:

 

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Canada bans MDPV in an attempt to innoculate Canadian society against Zombies [...]

  2. […] Missouri man allegedly murdered his own son, while high on bath salts. Canada tried to block the zombie spread across the border. For the next 2 years, numerous reports of violent, “crazy” attacks and behaviors were […]

  3. […] be high on bath salts, he was killed by police.  The zombie connection scared people, and caused Canada to issue emergency actions for addressing bath salts and cross-border travel. Subsequent reports of a man killing his own son […]

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